My Kids Won't Ever Eat Fast Food.

Before I became a parent I had many moments of oblivion, moments when I declared my future parenthood intensions to anyone who would listen. My declaration would usually start with, "When I'm a parent I will never..." Looking back on my naive moments of oblivion prior to becoming a Mom it's hard not to laugh. It's difficult not to shake my head at the outlandish picture I had in my head of what kind of mother I would be.

I swear when I have kids they won't sit in front of a screen for hours on end. Fast-forward to present day, it seems Netflix is my saving grace at least once a week. Now if only I could turn off the "Are you still watching?" notifications...are you kidding me...of course they are still watching paw patrol. I think back to my own childhood and some of my best memories were morning cartoons or VHS tapes we watched on repeat when my parents needed us to give them space. I loved trips to Blockbuster for our weekend movie rentals. I would walk endlessly up and down those VHS aisles (similarly to the way I walk down greetings card aisles now). While I don't want my kids sitting in front of a screen constantly, I have adjusted my parental expectations along the way. There are days when an episode of Barbie's Dream House will allow me enough alone time to shower. I think it's safe to say that my declared commitment to no lengthy television time went out the window pretty quickly.

I swear when I have kids they won't eat fast food, my kids will only eat nutritious whole grain healthy meals. Fast forward to present day and we hit up the drive thru at least once a week. When I am juggling activities for four kids there often isn't time to sit down together with a home cooked meal. My kids can be pretty picky when it comes to food and oftentimes I'm just grateful they are eating anything. My expectations about feeding my kids sure pivoted along the way.

I swear my kids will never throw outrageous tantrums in public places. I have lost track of how many tantrums my kids have thrown in public over the years. The grocery story is a pretty common setting for the obnoxious fits my girls seem to throw. I would love to meet the idiot who decided to put chocolate bars and Kinder Surprise at the checkout line. Im betting the person who made that brilliant decision was a single dude in his late 20's with no kids. I'll never deny the fact that in most cases becoming a mother somehow changes your view on other moms. When I became a mom, my attitude towards other moms became one of empathy and community. Instead of staring awkwardly and rudely at that struggling mom in the Walmart checkout I now empathize and tell her she's doing a great job. I think this sense of empathy is important because next week I may be in her shoes, next week I may be the mom feeling defeated and embarrassed in Walmart.

I remember I swore up and down that I would never use a pacifier for my babies. So many people told me it was a terrible idea and such a bad long term parenting decision. I think my commitment to be pacifier free lasted until day three with my son. I remember being so tired and overwhelmed by his crying that I went and bought eight different types of pacifiers (praying one would give me a few minutes of peace). In my mind using a pacifier had some weird stigma attached to it. I finally realized that only I knew what was right for my baby and this new found knowledge was a total game changer.

I look back on a time when I swore I'd never hand my device over to my child. I thought there was no good reason my kids would ever need to sit and stare at a phone for entertainment. Sitting on a mobile device would obviously ruin my kids lives and permanently damage their development. This one really makes me laugh, my kids use a device daily and on many occasions it's been a sanity saver. I think of all the times we have been sitting at an appointment and a phone has kept my kids from driving me crazy while we waited. I do think phone usage should be monitored regularly and obviously used in moderation; however, I will never judge a parent for handing over a phone at a restaurant or in a waiting room.

I swear my kids will behave like angels in public and never misbehave. I had this vision that my kids would never blow bubbles in their chocolate milk or kick each other under the table. My kids aren't obnoxious or rude but if I'm being honest they are loud, when I tell people I run a circus it really isn't an exaggeration. My anxiety often gets the best of me in public with my kids, frankly I avoid taking them to public places because I'm afraid of the opinions of others. It only takes one rude glance from a childless strange to make me anxious that my family is somehow ruining their night. My husband often has to remind me that they are just kids and that I need to stop worrying about what other people think so much (...what can I say I'm a work in progress).

I swear my kids will never wear ridiculously loud outfits with an extreme clash of patterns. I always visualized my kids looking adorable with their clean crisp outfits and there cute hair styles. If you run into me and my kids in the grocery store on a Wednesday, my kids might look like a fashion trainwreck. You might stare and think why on earth did that mom let her kids leave the house that way. Here's the thing I've learned over the years as a parent, we control nearly everything in our children's lives. We choose their meals, their toys, their books, and often their friends. Our kids control very little in their own lives, by letting my kids choose their own outfits (90% of the time) they have the opportunity to make decisions on their own. Allowing my kids the creative freedom to pick their crazy outfits gives them space to express their personalities. After numerous fights over outfits I finally decided it was a 'pick your battles' situation and it just wasn't worth the tantrum. I do have some limits on this freedom, I won't let them wear underwear on their head or a tank top in January but I won't stress over the patterns that clash. I may shake my head at some of their fashion choices but they are ultimately so proud of themselves.

When I was growing up, I remember seeing moms who regularly lived in their sweatpants or pajamas, I told myself that would never ever be me. I would always be pulled together in a cute outfit, full face of makeup and perfect hair. Fast-forward to my life in 2021 and I'm rarely pulled together. When I'm solo parenting my four kids I'm often so exhausted I lose track of when I last showered. My daily mom uniform is leggings and a tee or an oversized crew neck. My makeup bag gets pulled out maybe once a week and my hair in desperate need of a color is piled high on my head in a mom bun. I just don't have the energy or time right now to be runway ready for my outing to the library or a gymnastics drop off. If you are a mom who has time to look like a total babe every time you leave the house...you are officially my mom hero.

I'm sure there were many more pre-parenthood moments of oblivion then I dove into through this blog. When I sat down and began to write this piece I came to the quick realization that I was pretty naive about parenthood (as I'm sure most people are). I think often times these declared pre-parental intensions can corner us in a way that we feel less than or defeated. As parents we are often our worst critics, when we don't fit the parental vision we had for ourselves we tend to beat ourselves up. We will be far happier as parents if we can take notes from Elsa and simply let it go. Perhaps I will make a promise to myself to raise my children with a bit more flexibility and acceptance. There are no perfect parents and most definitely no perfect kids and the sooner we land on that realization the better off we will be.