Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World

Parenting in a world filled with greed and the constant desire to have the latest and greatest of everything is incredibly challenging. As a Mom, I want to instill in my kids some very basic principles to set them up to be good humans. It feels as if many of the principals are easy to teach with the exception of gratitude. As my kids grow, I am finding it more and more challenging to foster an attitude of gratitude. I find myself surrounded by parents who are constantly putting pressure on themselves to provide their children with everything they didn't have when they were growing up. I'll be the first to admit I have found my husband and I doing this occasionally. While I think it's wonderful to provide opportunities for our children, we have to tread carefully as there is a potential danger in handing our kids everything we didn't have. It doesn't take long, for these well intensioned gifts to fuel attitudes in our kids of expectation and entitlement versus a heart of gratitude.

I've spent a great deal of time in contemplation about how we can shift the narrative in our home, ultimately how we can raise grateful kids in an entitled world. In this blog I'm sharing a few of my ideas to help encourage gratitude in children. I'm hopeful that these tools may provide you with the inspiration you need to hit reset in your own home. Perhaps I'm not the only one who is beginning to feel the level of entitlement rising above the level of gratitude.

LEAD BY EXAMPLE: Do you remember that cliche phrase, monkey see monkey do? It is bang on when it comes to raising grateful children. How can we expect our children to lead lives overflowing with gratitude, if we ourselves are always seeking the next thing. If we as parents constantly focus on what we don't have versus what we do have, it can quickly set a tone of entitlement and discontentment in your home. Before we can expect our children to lead a life of gratitude, we must first stop and reflect on our own level of gratitude.

FOCUS ON WORK ETHIC: If you want to move away from an attitude of entitlement in your home, shift your focus to the value of hard work. I think it's important to use cause and effect when it comes to teaching our children the value of hard work. Your son worked really hard to clean up the yard and now because of his hard work, you have a great place for a family soccer game. Promote a solid work ethic in your home and really show pride when your children have worked hard for something. I often have to stop myself from taking over my kids household chores, frankly I just can't handle the whining. I find myself thinking it would just be easier if I did it myself. Yes it likely would be less painful if I did their chores for them, but me taking over isn't teaching my kids the value of hard work. If I take over every task they start just because they complain, the only lesson my kids will learn is the power of whining. Find ways in which your kids can feel the satisfaction of hard work. If you want to foster an attitude of gratitude, it starts with providing an opportunity for them to work hard.

MEMORIES OVER THINGS: Focus less on accumulating material things and more on creating memories through experiences. I want you to close your eyes for a minute, how many toys do you remember from your childhood? Now I want you to think about how many memories and experiences you remember from your childhood. As parents, I think we sometimes try to compensate for our busy lifestyle by purchasing items for our kids. If we want to raise grateful kids in this world filled with entitlement, we need to purchase less and do more. We need to teach our children the value of experiences over material possessions. This perspective change can also alter the way in which our kids view wealth and success.

GIVE INTENSIONAL GIFTS: In the last few years, I have found myself investing more time and thought into the gifts I buy my children. I find when the gifts I give are well thought-out, they are more appreciated and ultimately lead to far less excess purchasing. In my efforts to raise grateful children, I have also encouraged our families to give our kids intensional gifts. Prior to the pandemic, I was encouraging friends and family to give time versus things. Instead of buying another Barbie or Lego set, take them for ice cream or to the park. I think by being intentional about the gifts we give our kids, we can help shift the attitude from entitlement to gratitude.

GIVEBACK AND SERVE: I think it is easy to fall into a trap of staying in our family bubble, unintentionally we disconnect from what's going on around us in our own community. Whenever possible as a family, find ways to giveback to your community. You can serve your community by donating items you no longer need or volunteering your time. There are a million ways to get involved in your community, try brainstorming service ideas with your kids. Encourage your children to give to others whenever possible to promote an attitude of joy through giving.

TALK ABOUT IT: I think it's important to have regular conversations regarding gratitude. Our family is so incredibly blessed to have a warm home, food in our fridge, running water...the list honestly goes on and on. For our family, supper time has always proven to be a great time to engage my kids in an open dialogue. We spend time acknowledging the things they HAVE instead of focusing on the things they DON'T HAVE. Don't wait until Thanksgiving to celebrate your blessings as a family, take time regularly to show gratitude for the many things your family has been blessed with.

NEW TO YOU: Don't be afraid to buy second hand items for your kids. When I had my first baby, I was insistent that I buy all new items. My naive pretentious attitude quickly changed when I realized how quickly kids grow. It didn't take me long to realize, my three month old didn't really need those expensive Converse sneakers...looking back he barely wore shoes that first year. These days you will often find me buying or selling kids items at the consignment shop. I enjoy taking my kids to the consignment stores to hunt for hidden gems. My oldest two kids are now at the age where they can start to understand the value of money...which brings me to my next point.

HAVE THE MONEY TALK: In someways, I compare having the money talk to the sex talk. Conversations such as the value of money or the sex talk should not be one and done, they should be constantly evolving conversations. The maturity of kids (even in the same family) can vary greatly meaning important conversations such as these should be modified to suit the child. As a parent, we need to meet our kids where they are, we need to have open dialogue that matches their maturity level. Lately I find myself having frequent conversations about money with my two and four year old, and it's honestly so refreshing. In simple conversations with my youngest kids, I often step back to check my own spending habits based on the values I'm trying to teach my kids. It's funny how we often catch ourselves off guard through the lessons we are trying to teach our kids.

OPPORTUNITY FOR RESPONSIBILITY: It's all well and good to say you want to raise responsible and grateful children, but if you don't provide them with opportunities to learn responsibility...isn't the point moot. I firmly believe that every member of the household should have age appropriate chores and responsibilities as a member of the family team. This point ties back to a parents responsibility to encourage a strong work ethic in their children. If we want our kids to be hard workers, we need to provide them opportunities that allow them to work hard and contribute to the family.

I'm not expecting my kids will always be grateful or overflowing with gratitude. I don't expect they will never want the latest and greatest gadgets but I am hopeful that I can raise children who value giving to others. I'm hopeful that I can raise children who value experiences and making family memories more than the latest video game. In a world so driven by the grind for excess and material possessions, I just want to raise kind and grateful humans.