Lessons I Learned from my Eight Year Old.

Today is a special day in our house as we are celebrating our daughter Scarlett's eighth birthday. In keeping with the current blog series I decided it was pretty appropriate to release this blog on her birthday. The eight years she's been alive have been both long and short (if you're a parent that obviously makes perfect sense to you). The difficult days seem to go on forever but the years are incredibly brief. I think it's quite possible that my daughter Scarlett has taught me the most difficult lessons of any of my children.

My daughter Scarlett has been known as a firecracker since the day she was born. I think she got that label simply because she has a very explosive personality. Scarlett has a presence when she enters a room that is truly undeniable. She has taught me that life is meant to be lived to the fullest. This girl jumps head first into every door that opens for her. Whether it's a high diving board or a new school, Scarlett is always up for a new challenge. Her fearless attitude towards the unknown is both admirable and terrifying as her mother. My anxiety often prevents me from jumping head first into new opportunities because I'm pretty drawn to the security of my comfort zone. My daughter on the other hand will leap before she looks or often thinks...which could definitely be a pro and a con.

Scarlett has taught me that comparing your children is counterproductive. I previously talked about the potty training struggles we have faced over the past six years with Scarlett. When it became apparent to me that things weren't going well, I immediately resorted to comparing my kids. My son potty trained so easily... so why won't my daughter? My daughter has taught me that comparing my kids goes against the very idea that they are unique. One minute I'm praising my kids for choosing to be different and unique and the next minute I'm upset that my daughter isn't hitting milestones in the same timeline as her brother. Over the past six years I've been to countless physiotherapy appointments, urology consults and pediatrician appointments. The journey with Scarlett is still ongoing but I've learned that this is her unique journey and her timeline.

Presently Scarlett is teaching me that navigating childhood mental health is so different that adult mental health. Through the course of the pandemic, my husband and I have been head on with the world of childhood anxiety (as have many parents). I have battled anxiety and panic for years but nothing in my journey prepared me for helping my eight year old navigate her own mental health. Scarlett's anxiety looks VERY different than mine, remember I mentioned how she jumps into new opportunities without fear? Situations that she thrives in would have my heart racing and entire body sweating. Emotions hit Scarlett in very extreme waves, and I'm learning from counseling appointments how we can navigate her outbursts and prepare in advance for things that trigger her. As a parent I was feeling defeated, I didn't know how I could help my daughter. I'm grateful that together with the help of professionals, we can work towards helping our daughter work through her mental health struggles. My eight year old has opened my eyes to the idea that anxiety doesn't fit into a neat box, anxiety takes many different shapes and forms.

Scarlett has taught me how valuable one-on-one time is with my kids. In a busy house with four kids it's pretty understandable that finding separate time with each one of them is regularly a challenge. I have made a point of trying to spend special time with each of my kids at least once a week (sometimes it's a bit of a challenge, but I do the best I can). I have began to notice a connection between my kids' bad attitudes and irritability with weeks where we haven't had any alone time together. I think in a big family it's natural for kids to seek attention and unfortunately not always in the most productive ways. I'm recognizing that even when it's tricky to schedule in time with each of my kids to connect separately...it's beyond important to ensure each of my kids feels seen and heard.

I'm currently in a pretty thick fog of appointments for my daughter Scarlett, it's easy to get overwhelmed and exhausted. There are days when I feel like I just don't have it in me to retell her story once again to another specialist. It's on those tough days that I remember this fog will eventually lift. I realize that while I'm going through all of this to help my daughter, she is actually helping me. She is teaching me so many incredible lessons and I am grateful that I'm the one who gets to be her mom.